I Work at a Drive-In Movie Theatre. We have a Strange List of Rules.

Summary

Lyle, a lifelong movie obsessive tired of warehouse work, finds a functioning drive-in in rural Pennsylvania and takes a job with its owner, Quentin. The pay is good, the popcorn is free, and the job comes with an odd list of rules. Lyle soon learns they’re less like workplace pranks and more like essential survival advice: the drive-in attracts movie creatures, ghosts, and other strange regulars.

The Rules

1. Get under cover during intermission. A shower of movie-theatre snacks falls from the sky inside the property line—usually popcorn, candy, or nachos. One night, though, full cans of Coke rain down hard enough to smash windshields. Lyle gets a boy safely inside, and Quentin reminds him to keep helping customers even if they claim to be “undead or a vampire or a zombie vampire or a giant frog.”

2. Give the scarecrow popcorn and let him watch. Each evening, the scarecrow climbs down from his post for an unbuttered tub of popcorn and a good view of the films. He laughs at comedies, enjoys monster movies, and politely objects when a camper blocks the screen. Lyle grows fond of him and starts bringing him popcorn himself.

3. Be kind to Johnny and Jean. The cheerful young couple are long-dead regulars who appear as teenagers and return every Friday. They’ve been married for 64 years, still bicker affectionately about their first-date movie, and treasure their anniversary cards. When another customer complains, Lyle protects their favorite parking spot.

4. Keep your windows up and doors locked during horror movies. A vampire escapes an old film and prowls the lot, testing car doors and scratching at windows. Lyle is trapped in a customer’s car with the creature outside until Quentin shuts off the projector. When the film restarts, the vampire is back on screen—right where he belongs.

5. Check the back seat before leaving. Characters can sneak into cars while a film is playing. Some escapes are almost cute: three movie puppies wind up in a minivan, and children name them before the credits make them disappear. A porcelain doll from a horror film is far worse, crawling toward a mother and daughter before the screen goes dark and it vanishes.

6. Don’t leave with someone you met at the theatre. A woman accepts a ride request from a charming stranger, but Lyle recognizes him as a werewolf. Quentin arrives with a shotgun, and the creature releases Lyle and retreats into the woods.

Ending

Despite the terrifying incidents, Lyle loves the job. The supernatural regulars are often considerate: one enormous moviegoer squeezes through the concession doorway and cries at romantic comedies, while Johnny and Jean bring Lyle sandwiches and cookies. The story ends warmly as Lyle, Quentin, and the scarecrow settle in to watch Halloween (1978).

Personalities and Notable Creatures

• Lyle
• Quentin
• The scarecrow
• Johnny and Jean
• The vampire
• The porcelain doll
• The werewolf
• The movie puppies
• The enormous romantic-comedy fan