Le app di incontri stanno distruggendo il desiderio?

Overview

The video, presented by psychoanalyst Carlo Rigone, argues that dating apps don’t automatically “destroy desire,” but they can reshape how people think—turning encounters into a kind of catalog search that undermines the natural development of desire.

Main arguments and analysis

• Apps aren’t inherently wrong: Rigone says using dating apps is understandable, especially for people with limited social opportunities (busy schedules, small towns, separation/divorce, reduced networks). The issue isn’t moral “good vs bad,” but what mindset the tools encourage.

• The dominant app logic is “the catalog”: Users evaluate profiles through photos and quick metrics (age, distance, profession, interests) and must swipe/choose before real presence, conversation, and gradual discovery can happen. This can lead people to predict and filter rather than meet and experience.

• More options can reduce satisfaction and make selection stricter: Referencing review and experimental research, the video claims that having many choices may worsen decision-making—people search longer, become more demanding, and reject more easily. The paradox: the more you can choose, the less “any limit” feels acceptable.

• Desire vs pre-made criteria (psychoanalytic framing):

  • Many people assume desire exists first and then they look for someone who matches a fixed checklist.
  • Rigone contrasts this with Giacomo Contri’s idea: desire follows what happens. Desire often arises because of real interaction—conversation, surprise, connection—not because someone fits an ideal profile.

• Consequences of comparison: In a case example (Laura), a person may enjoy an initial connection but then reopens the app and compares the real person to imagined alternatives and better “forever potentials” (jobs, looks, ideal compatibility). The result: Andrea loses against projections, not against a real person—potential relationships are abandoned not necessarily because of failure, but because they can’t compete with fantasy.

• Freedom can become paralysis: App behavior can normalize the idea that choosing anything means giving up better options. Rigone argues that true freedom is entering a door you judge worth it—not keeping all doors open and never committing.

• Self becomes commodified: The video warns that continual selection/rejection can lead people to judge themselves by the same market-like criteria (“am I good enough?” measured by approvals). A relationship isn’t created from “absolute value” on the market, but from what two people can build together.

• Body-image and mental health associations: Citing a systematic review, the video notes studies often find negative associations—especially concerning body image—while also acknowledging that correlation doesn’t prove direct causation.

Recommendations (three criteria)

1. Reduce the number of profiles and increase attention: When a conversation is promising, pause instead of simultaneously swiping through many options—attention is limited.

2. Move from list to meeting: Don’t treat selection like an endless interview; when safe, test in real life. Desire needs events, not only descriptions.

3. Judge benefit, not perfection: After meeting someone, ask what happened—did real interest arise, was there something worth pursuing—not whether they match every expected trait.

Closing message

The video concludes that dating apps can create real opportunities, but desire weakens when people stop relating to someone as a person and instead treat everyone as interchangeable alternatives. The key is to stop scrolling and pay attention to what actually happens in the encounter.

Presenters / contributors

• Carlo Rigone (psychoanalyst; presenter)
• Giacomo Contri (psychoanalytic reference mentioned in the video)
• Referenced research authors/review studies (not individually named in the subtitles)