15 - Godly Communication - Part 2 (Pastor Brad Bigney)

Main ideas, concepts, and lessons

• God designed people to communicate with words

  • God speaks, and humans are made in His image as communicators.
  • Words are powerful: they can give life or destroy (the speaker notes people speak many thousands of words per day).

• Satan attacks communication to distort and destroy God’s gifts

  • Satan is described as using words to create chaos: lies, accusation, slander, and distortion.
  • The speaker highlights that modern culture is increasingly chaotic in areas like sexuality and speech, harming people made in God’s image.

• Christians have hope because God can redeem how we use words

  • Even amid chaos, God provides what believers need to use words for God’s glory and the good of others.

• Ephesians shifts from “what God did” to “what believers must do”

  • Chapters 1–3: what God has done (indicating statements).
  • Chapter 4: now includes imperatives—practical commands, starting with the “mouth.”

• Ephesians 4:25–32 gives “rules” for godly communication

  • The speaker frames the message as “four rules” drawn from Ephesians 4 (and references a booklet summarizing them).

• A transformed mouth requires transformed heart

  • Speech reflects what is already inside:
    • “What comes out of your mouth is going on in your heart.”
  • Unexamined hearts tend to keep producing unhelpful words.

• Godly speech involves both avoiding harmful reactions and choosing spiritual actions

  • Reactions (often bitterness-driven) require no spiritual effort.
  • Actions (kindness, forgiveness) require the Holy Spirit’s help and deliberate choice.

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Instructional methodology / “rules” presented

Four “rules of godly communication” (as taught in Ephesians 4)

1. Start with your own heart (before changing your mouth)

   • Examine what’s in your heart; ask God to reveal what you may not be seeing.
   • Use Jesus’ teaching (Matthew 12) that the mouth speaks from the abundance of the heart.
   • A major goal: prevent speaking problems from repeating by addressing the root inward condition.
   • Warning: people give account for careless words; you can’t control speech without seeing heart issues.

2. Choose to control your mouth

   • Be honest (no games, hidden agendas, veiled references)
     • Honesty must be balanced with love (not raw “everything I feel”).
     • Look for patterns, not one-off behavior.
   • Stay current (don’t let anger pile up)
     • Don’t let the sun go down on wrath.
     • Resolving sooner prevents Satan from feeding distortion and accusations.
   • Attack the problem, not the person
     • Verbal attacks add new trouble and make others stop listening.
     • Words can grieve the Holy Spirit—not just commit “big sins” like adultery or theft.
     • Keep communication aimed at the real issue, not personal destruction.

   • Act, don’t react

     • Reactions listed (Ephesians 4:31): bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor (public quarreling), slander, malice

     • Actions listed (Ephesians 4:32): kindness, tenderheartedness, forgiveness forgiveness “as God in Christ forgave you”

     • “Actions” are described as supernatural, chosen with the help of the Holy Spirit, not automatic.

3. Keep “grace” central in how and why you speak

   • God cares about three areas of speech:
     • What you say
     • How you say it
     • Why you said it
   • “Grace” should be “riding shotgun” with your words:
     • Colossians 4:6: Let your speech always be with grace.
       • Grace before you speak is better than trying to “grace it up” after damage is done.
       • Use two questions before speaking:
         • What do I want to say?
         • How should I say it, Lord (with grace)?
       • Other people can help you “grace it” by catching what you missed.
   • Grace should also “dispense” in the content:
     • Ephesians 4:29: Words should be “good for building up” and “give grace” to those who hear.
     • This does not mean never saying hard things; Scripture supports correction/admonition.
     • The key is motivation:
       • Love-driven edification, not humiliation, crushing, or revenge.

4. Reject “grenade words”

   • “Grenade words” are described as:
     • ugly, sharp, sarcastic, attacking, vengeful, exaggerated, hurtful
     • often driven by pride, anger, and revenge rather than love
   • Effects attributed to grenade words:
     • Bypass the real issue (the conversation becomes about destruction, not resolution)
     • Judge motives (and motive-judging shuts down dialogue)
     • Tear down and rip apart (likened to reckless words “piercing like a sword”)

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Additional communication practices emphasized (supporting themes)

• Do not judge motives—focus on behavior and let God handle inner intent

  • God calls believers to examine their own motives, not guess others’.
  • You can’t truly know why someone said/did something.
  • “Parking in God’s parking spot” is a metaphor for taking the role of judge reserved for God.

• Listen carefully to understand before pushing to be understood

  • Engage in “quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger” (James 1:19).
  • Emphasis: understanding takes effort and patience.
  • Practical exercise recommended:
    • Use a physical object as a “listening token”
    • One person speaks without interruption; the listener must summarize what they heard (“So you are saying…”)
    • The speaker confirms/corrects until understanding is accurate
  • Rationale: people often pretend to listen only long enough to respond with their own opinion.

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Speakers or sources featured (identified)

• Pastor Brad Bigney (main speaker; explicitly referenced by the talk title and within the subtitles)
• Rob Green (author of referenced booklet: Can We Talk?, “communication rules” for married couples/anyone communicating)
• Timothy Shory (author of referenced book: Respect the Image)
• CS Lewis (used as an example; discussion of his inability to be heard/limitations of his father’s listening)
• The Bible (scriptural sources)
  • Ephesians (especially Ephesians 4:25–32; message focus)
  • Jeremiah 17:9–10
  • Matthew 12:34–36
  • Colossians 4:6
  • Ephesians 4:29
  • Proverbs 18:21
  • Hebrews 12:15
  • 1 Corinthians 4 (about revealing motives)
  • Galatians 5:14:15 (as quoted in the subtitles)
  • James 1:19
  • Proverbs 18:2
• “BBC” / British Broadcasting Company (mentioned as a source connected to a broadcast opportunity; no specific individual named)
• “Vicki” (Pastor Brad Bigney’s spouse; referenced from personal counseling/marriage examples)