Video summary

ONE thing about the COME UP MAN that no one tells women!

Main summary

Key takeaways

Wellness and Self-Improvement

Key wellness / life strategies & takeaways (with a focus on self-protection and emotional health)

Adopt an “earlier, not later” self-care mindset

The speaker argues that the best protection is preventing harm upfront, rather than trying to “heal the heart” after a breakup or divorce.

Be fully present and don’t rush conversations

  • Listen until you have the complete picture—don’t cut someone off or assume what was said.
  • If you don’t have time, save the conversation and return later instead of making decisions from partial understanding.

Recognize manipulation patterns early

A central warning focuses on men described as “come-up men,” who allegedly use confusion + emotional games to get a woman to make the first move.

Key pattern described:

  • The man allegedly does not directly approach romantically (no clear “ask,” no asking for a number or a date).
  • He’s present in her spaces/circles, flirts, and admits interest without committing to action.
  • He then waits for her to get impatient and pursue first.

Use “red flag” rules for dating decisions

  • If a man signals interest but never makes a clear move, the speaker frames it as a red flag—disengage.
  • The message is consistent: don’t ignore red flags; investigate promptly.

Don’t “play games” with yourself

If you notice a warning sign and rationalize it away, the speaker claims you’ll pay emotionally later, describing delayed consequences.

Get outside perspective to strengthen boundaries

If your intuition isn’t feeling trustworthy, the speaker recommends involving trusted support:

  • Older/wiser people you trust
  • Therapy or counseling

They also suggest a practical exercise:

  • Invite a trusted person to join you (e.g., dinner) and ask them to reflect on what they observe.

Therapy as an accessible resource

If cost is a barrier, suggested alternatives include:

  • University psychology clinics (supervised student therapy)
  • Lower-cost counseling / talk therapy options

Focus on emotional healing to attract healthier partners

The speaker claims that doing better self-work helps you “draw” healthier, more stable partners over time. They discourage lingering in unhealthy attachment (“wallowing”) and encourage moving toward support and therapy.

Practical relationship screening advice

  • Watch for an additional risk indicator mentioned by the speaker:
    • A man with multiple divorces, especially where he divorced each wife (framed as “issues” to consider).
  • The speaker also references claims that some situations involve NDAs/spousal support arrangements, suggesting this could be why stories aren’t discussed fully in public.

Methodology / “how the alleged tactic works” (as described)

  1. Targeting

    • The speaker claims the man is in a position where he can’t “level up” (wealth/power/status), so he seeks access via a woman’s connections, proximity, or status.

  2. Placement in her environment

    • He reportedly inserts himself into her circles, repeatedly showing up in settings she attends.

  3. Flirtation without direct pursuit

    • The man allegedly signals interest (admiration/flirting) but withholds the direct ask:
      • no dating invitation
      • no number exchange
      • no clear action

  4. Emotional confusion → her first move

    • The speaker claims the ambiguity creates confusion/frustration until the woman approaches or proposes the next step.

  5. Later discard

    • The speaker claims that when the man is “ready,” he divorces, and the narrative shifts so the woman is side-eyed for “approaching.”

Presenters / sources mentioned

  • Pastor Tōré Roberts
  • LCRAE (podcast/host referenced as “LCRA/LCRAE” in subtitles)
  • Sarah Jakes Roberts
  • TD Jakes
  • Dr. Doug Weiss
  • “Dear future wifey dude” / “Dear future wifey” (referred to as a content creator/podcast host; specific name not provided in subtitles)
  • Keon Henderson (referenced as “Keon”)
  • Shaunie (referenced as Keon’s partner in the story)
  • Joanie (referenced in the Doug Weiss story; no last name provided)
  • Marcus Lamb (Joanie’s husband in the story)
  • Denise Bogs (Joanie’s friend referenced)
  • Warren and Erica Campbell (church/event context)
  • Lori Torres’s wife (referenced in connection with NDAs/spousal support; presenter not named beyond “Lori Torres”)
  • David Justice
  • Halle Berry

Original video