Why Sex is a Huge Disappointment for Many Christian Women

Summary

Bethany and Kristen discuss why some Christian women feel disappointed or disconnected from sex after marriage, especially when they were taught that saving sex for marriage would automatically make it fulfilling. They argue that this expectation can create confusion when intimacy takes time and effort to develop.

They cite audience surveys by an unnamed, now-deceased sex therapist. According to the hosts, the surveys found that few people in committed relationships have sex with their eyes open—and fewer still can climax that way. The hosts interpret this as a sign that some couples may be focused on physical sensation while feeling less emotionally present. The statistic is presented as the therapist’s finding; the subtitles do not explain how the surveys were conducted.

The hosts’ central point is that intimacy is about more than the physical act. From their Christian perspective, sex and marriage can reflect spiritual closeness, mutual care, and being deeply known. They say their goal is not to shame people, but to invite reflection and growth.

Strategies and Takeaways

• Examine what shaped your views of sex. Consider the three strongest influences on your beliefs, such as religious teaching, culture, or personal experiences.
• Reassess unrealistic expectations. Saving sex for marriage does not guarantee an immediately effortless or highly satisfying experience; intimacy may develop over time.
• Focus on the people, not just the act. The hosts emphasize openness, mutual care, emotional connection, and being present with one another.
• Start with personal growth. Rather than making change depend solely on a spouse, they encourage individuals to grow in honesty, maturity, and understanding of their own beliefs.
• Build honest communication. Being willing to know and be known by a partner can support greater closeness, even when vulnerability feels uncomfortable.
• Connect sexuality with spiritual beliefs. For Christian listeners, the hosts encourage viewing marriage and intimacy within the broader biblical story of God’s love and relationship with his people.
• Use education as a starting point. The hosts recommend learning more about their perspective on sex and marriage, including through their book Made to Be She. They also refer to their book Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl’s Heart for further discussion of sexual sin.

Presenters and Sources

• Presenters: Bethany and Kristen of Girl Defined.
• Sources mentioned: An unnamed, deceased sex therapist; Dr. Julie Slattery, quoted on the spiritual meaning of sex and marriage; the Bible, including references to Genesis, Psalms, and Revelation; and the hosts’ books Made to Be She and Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl’s Heart.