Psychological Tricks That FORCE The Truth Out Of Anyone | Evy Poumpouras

Summary

Former Secret Service agent Evy Poumpouras explains that lie detection is not a matter of spotting a single tell or applying a few tricks. People vary widely, and the same behavior can mean different things for different people. Reading someone takes patience, attention to their usual behavior, and an understanding of the situation.

Lewis Howes interviews her about truthfulness, rapport, trust, confidence, and communication.

Lying and detecting deception

• People lie in many ways, including through omission. Leaving out information that changes the meaning of a story can be misleading, even if no direct falsehood is spoken.
• Poumpouras says omission is common partly because it feels easier and less uncomfortable than inventing and remembering a false story. But misleading people can damage credibility.
• She cautions against treating gestures or mannerisms as universal proof of lying. Instead, notice changes from a person’s normal behavior:
  • A normally expressive person may become unusually still when uncomfortable.
  • A person may respond more emphatically to one question than to others.
  • Their words and body language may appear inconsistent.
  • A sudden oath or appeal, such as “I swear to God,” may be worth noticing if it is unusual for that person.
• These are possible indicators, not proof. A behavior may simply reflect someone’s personality, culture, or ordinary way of speaking. Some people show few outward signs, and even an experienced interviewer can be unable to tell whether someone is lying.
• Familiarity can help reveal changes in someone’s demeanor, but emotional investment can also make people overlook signs they have noticed because they want to believe the person.
• In the interview, she distinguishes ordinary guilt from cases where a person may feel little guilt, such as some financial crimes. Someone accustomed to lying or committing crimes may also become better at masking discomfort.

A conversation method: TED

Poumpouras recommends TED—“Tell me, Explain, Describe”—as a way to get someone talking without immediately making them defensive.

• Tell me: “Tell me what you did last night.”
• Explain: “Explain how important this relationship is to you.”
• Describe: “Describe what you want from this partnership.”

The method is to begin with open-ended prompts, listen closely, and let the other person tell a fuller story. This can reveal their priorities, values, and usual manner of speaking. If a sensitive topic needs to be addressed, start broadly and gradually narrow the questions rather than opening with an accusatory or highly direct question.

Poumpouras stresses that this takes time. Pressing too quickly for a specific answer can cause someone to shut down or damage rapport. Curiosity, patience, and adaptability are more useful than rigidly insisting on one topic or trying to force an immediate confession.

What to notice in someone’s account

Poumpouras describes several features she looks for in interviews and written statements:

• Compare the person’s answers with how they responded to other questions.
• A highly polished story with a clear beginning, middle, and end may be rehearsed or constructed—but this is only an indicator, not a reliable rule.
• She says spontaneous, unsolicited corrections can be consistent with truthfulness, rather than automatically suggesting concealment.
• Specific details or quoted speech may suggest that someone is recalling a particular exchange, while liars may speak more vaguely because maintaining many details is difficult.
• None of these signs should be used in isolation. The broader context and the person’s usual communication style matter.

She also explains that a polygraph is not simply a machine that announces whether someone is lying. In her account, the interviewer evaluates the person’s responses and looks for changes during the questioning.

Rapport, control, and communication

• In formal interviews, small choices in how a conversation is arranged can communicate authority. For example, giving directions about where to sit or whether to get a drink can establish that the interviewer is guiding the interaction.
• Offering choices can have the opposite effect: it gives the other person a sense of autonomy and control, which may help with someone who is resistant or uncomfortable.
• These approaches are context-dependent. Poumpouras says the authority-building approach would be inappropriate on a first date, where the goal should be rapport and trust rather than control.
• On a date or in another new relationship, she recommends listening and inviting the other person to speak about themselves. Open-ended prompts are more likely to encourage a natural conversation than questions that feel like an interrogation.
• Eye contact can help convey attention and connection, but physical touch should be approached cautiously. She advises respecting personal space because touch can be unwelcome or interpreted differently.
• Language matters. Instead of labeling someone “a liar,” she suggests wording that focuses on the behavior, such as “I know you’re not being truthful with me” or “I feel you’re holding something back.”
• The same principle applies to declining requests: a thoughtful, tactful response may preserve a relationship better than a blunt “no,” especially when the relationship matters.

Trust and dating

• People often default to believing others, while law-enforcement work can encourage the opposite assumption. Either extreme can cause problems, including misplaced trust or false suspicion.
• Poumpouras recommends conditional trust in new personal and business relationships: trust someone gradually as their behavior gives you reason to do so, rather than trusting them completely at once.
• She also warns against projecting past trauma onto a new, innocent person. At the same time, people should maintain boundaries and avoid giving unconditional trust too quickly.

Confidence and handling conflict

Poumpouras connects confidence with action and self-discipline:

• Take risks and make decisions instead of repeatedly asking others what to do, especially when they lack relevant expertise.
• Accept that mistakes and failures are part of taking action. Learning that you can recover from setbacks builds resilience.
• Pay attention to self-talk. She advises against insulting or labeling yourself, and instead recommends using direct, practical encouragement.
• In conflict, listening without reacting can be a valuable skill. She says it takes discipline not to retaliate when someone is cruel or hurtful.
• Before explaining your perspective, consider whether the other person is able or willing to understand it. If not, it may be more constructive to disengage than to keep arguing.
• She distinguishes between standing up for yourself when needed and choosing not to spend energy on every provocation.

Lessons and examples

Poumpouras shares that she disclosed a past lie about obtaining financial aid during her Secret Service screening. She says her honesty about it mattered, illustrating her view that integrity can be more important than pretending to have a flawless past.

She also describes observing former presidents in the White House. She admired George H. W. Bush’s handwritten thank-you notes, Barack Obama’s measured and projected speaking style, and George W. Bush’s apparent authenticity. These examples lead into a broader point: thoughtful communication and small acts of appreciation can leave a strong impression.

Her closing life lessons are:

1. Do the right thing even when it is unpopular.
2. Make your own decisions.
3. Be willing to fail, because failure can reflect that you are taking action and putting yourself out there.

The final remarks distinguish between people who care about you but do not support you and people who may actively envy or wish you harm. Poumpouras says the latter may need to be distanced from your life, even without a dramatic confrontation.

Speakers and sources featured

• Evy Poumpouras — former Secret Service agent and guest; discusses interviewing, lie detection, trust, and communication.
• Lewis Howes — host and interviewer.
• Sources and people referenced: General research on lying (no specific study identified); Secret Service screening and polygraph procedures; law-enforcement interviewing experience; Aristotle, whose quote about anger is paraphrased by Poumpouras; former presidents George H. W. Bush, Barack Obama, and George W. Bush.