Narcissists Want You To Feel Their Shame

Key Wellness Strategies, Self-Care Techniques, and Productivity Tips

• Reframe the cause behind narcissistic/abusive behavior

  • Avoid the common narrative that “hurt people hurt people” explains narcissists purely as shame-driven or trauma-made monsters.
  • The guidance instead frames narcissistic abuse as driven more by pride/entitlement and righteous indignation, rather than vulnerability or shame.

• Don’t internalize abuse as your fault

  • People who seek recovery are described as asking: “What did I do to deserve this?”
  • The central message: it wasn’t about you—abusive behavior reflects the other person’s traits and choices.

• Set boundaries around emotional “projection”

  • A warning to stop projecting your emotional depth (“bandwidth”) onto someone who doesn’t have it.
  • Don’t assume the other person’s behavior is motivated by the same emotions you would have in a similar situation.

• Use accountability-based criteria when assessing apologies

  • An apology isn’t automatically trustworthy.
  • Change is more credible only if they:
    • Fully recognize what they did wrong
    • Take complete accountability
    • Work to change behavior and not repeat it

• Stay grounded in reality rather than trauma myths

  • A difficult childhood does not justify abuse.
  • Many people experience trauma without becoming exploitative—so trauma alone isn’t an excuse for predatory behavior.

• Maintain safety and awareness

  • Encourages viewers to stay safe, be aware, and “open your eyes” to patterns of abuse and emotional manipulation in daily life.

Presenters / Sources

• A therapist (unnamed speaker)