Konsten att möta den som mår psykiskt dåligt – UllaKarin Nyberg

Summary

Psychiatrist Ulla-Karin Nyberg argues that ordinary people can make a meaningful difference to someone in distress. Help does not always require a solution: being noticed, listened to, and treated with care can reduce isolation and help someone reconnect with others.

Key strategies for supporting someone

• Notice changes and reach out. If someone seems unlike themselves, appears isolated, or talks about death, say what you have noticed and ask whether something is wrong. A small gesture—such as asking an older, lonely customer what they are cooking—can help someone feel seen and prompt further connection.
• Listen with calm presence. Don’t rush to fix the situation or fill every silence. Attentive listening and compassionate presence can be more helpful than immediately offering advice or action.
• Ask directly and without assumptions. Ask how the person understands their situation, what they think is contributing to it, and whether they are thinking about suicide. Nyberg says asking about suicide does not plant the idea; it can open a conversation and help the person feel less alone.
• Treat the person as an expert on their own life. Ask about their culture, beliefs, experiences, and usual ways of coping rather than interpreting unfamiliar behavior through assumptions. Invite them to help decide what would be useful.
• Recognize strengths and sources of meaning. Ask what the person does to cope, what helps them feel better, what matters to them, and what gives life meaning. Support their abilities and opportunities to contribute, rather than treating them only as a problem to be solved.
• Offer realistic hope, not forced positivity. Acknowledge suffering while identifying what may still be possible. Focus on what you can influence, while respecting what you cannot change.
• Break the silence around mental illness, suicide, and grief. A simple “I’ve been thinking of you—can I do anything?” can matter. After a death, mentioning the person who died and asking how the bereaved person is doing can ease the added pain of feeling that others have forgotten.
• Be clear and compassionate about boundaries. Offer help within what you can realistically sustain—for example, agreeing to talk once a week or explaining that you have 20 minutes today. Don’t try to compensate for gaps in services or support by pushing yourself beyond your limits.
• Share support rather than carrying it alone. Involve family, friends, colleagues, or other trusted supports where appropriate. One example in the lecture describes a family agreeing to a weekly conversation about a relative’s suicidal thoughts, reducing the strain of constant checking.
• Use plain language when there is immediate risk. Express concern, say that the person matters to you, and be honest about serious consequences of dangerous behavior. You do not need perfect words; sincere concern and action are more important.
• Practice empathy—and ask for help yourself. Consider what you would want someone to say if you or someone you love were struggling. Nyberg also notes that asking for help can be difficult and is something she continues to practice.

Self-care and perspective

• Reflect on what makes life meaningful, including relationships, community, beliefs, and activities.
• Make conscious choices about priorities rather than letting work or other demands take over by default.
• Set sustainable limits when supporting someone in distress. Being available within your capacity is better than overextending yourself and eventually having to withdraw.
• Aim for realistic, collaborative goals. Sometimes improving quality of life and making the person’s situation more bearable is a meaningful goal in itself.

Presenter and sources mentioned

• Presenter: Ulla-Karin Nyberg, psychiatrist; she also discusses her experience in cancer care and her own experience of breast cancer.
• Ylva, described as a writer and priest, is quoted on the idea that “we equip ourselves with each other.”
• The Good Samaritans in England are cited for the phrase, “Don’t just do something.”
• Betania Foundation is mentioned in connection with a practical course involving role-play and reflection questions.
• Nyberg mentions her books, including Life with Breast Cancer and a booklet about grief and supporting relatives after suicide, as well as related podcasts, films, and training resources.