Почему у нас так много холостяков?

Summary of the video (topic: “Why are there so many bachelors?”)

The speakers discuss why more people—especially men—remain unmarried longer, and why “bachelorhood” has become socially acceptable rather than stigmatized.

1) Urban living and services reduce the “need” for a partner

The host argues that city life replaces traditional household roles with paid services: cafés and delivery food, dry cleaning, home cleaning, and other outsourced domestic tasks. In this setting, a person can manage daily life without a woman (or without involving a partner in household work). As a result, the practical pressure that used to push men toward family life decreases.

But the sociologist emphasizes that even if this makes bachelor living easier, it also encourages people to get used to living only for themselves—reducing habits of considering other people’s needs.

2) Longer time spent in the “single life stage” becomes psychologically comfortable

According to the sociologist, life-cycle stages exist (childhood in the parental family → single life → family life). When the single stage lasts too long, a person adapts to self-reliance and prioritizes personal comfort. Entering marriage then feels like a “limitation of freedom,” because family requires shared interests and compromises (with a spouse and later children). Some people therefore avoid marriage indefinitely.

3) Statistics: people marry later, and “never married” rates are rising

The sociologist notes that the average age at first marriage has increased:

• Men: from ~25 (late 1980s) to ~29 now
• Women: from ~23 to ~27 now

He also cites census-based demographic findings showing higher proportions of never-married people among ages 40–45:

• Men: about 1 in 8 never married
• Women: about 1 in 10 never married

He links this to a broader pattern: alongside the growth in lifelong singlehood, divorces and repeat marital breakdowns also rise. The idea is that people may start marriage without developing the ability to adjust their behavior to shared life.

4) “Not single by choice” vs “choice”: many remain bachelors for different (often psychological) reasons

The psychologist challenges the idea that bachelorhood is purely voluntary or purely forced. She argues it can stem from psychological defenses—sometimes presented as rational “preferences.”

Common psychological mechanisms described:

• Defense disguised as choice: a person chooses solitude as a “conscious decision,” often after disappointments (e.g., divorce) or by adopting another person’s pattern (for example, a child repeating the parent’s unhappiness and single-life model).
• Defense disguised as impossibility: the person claims no suitable partner exists, while underlying issues cause relationships to fail from the start (e.g., emotional attachment patterns related to the mother, where a partner unconsciously feels like a “betrayal,” leading to repeated relationship collapse).
• Adult choice for the “right relationship”: in some cases, the person is not anti-marriage, but simply only wants a specific type of relationship and refuses to “settle,” avoiding repeated harmful experiences.

5) The city economy and the “paid replacement” of roles changes expectations of marriage

The host and psychologist discuss how commercialization alters gender roles. Historically, the “keeper of the hearth” role was embedded in family life; now it’s offered through paid services. This can make marriage feel less necessary and can shift bargaining power and expectations in relationships—leading men to ask why they should pay for everyday life and also support the woman.

The psychologist responds that while such rational explanations exist, the deeper driver is usually psychological: bachelorhood often protects someone from repeating emotional pain or from entering an incompatible relationship.

6) Therapy: bachelors may benefit from self-understanding

The psychologist argues men do seek therapy (often more than people think), though not always openly. She presents therapy as useful not only to find a partner, but to understand underlying pain, disappointments, and attachment wounds—often originating early in life.

A recurring theme is that some bachelors see themselves as “unique” and superior to married peers, but behind that can lie earlier hurt and fear of closeness.

She concludes that self-work may help a person stop defending themselves with bachelorhood and move toward a healthier relationship only when they are ready.

Presenters / contributors

• Alexander Borisovich Senelnikov — Professor, Department of Sociology of Family and Demography, Moscow State University; Doctor of Sociological Sciences
• Natalia Antipova Koplaukha — Clinical psychologist (Natasha)
• (Host) — the video’s primary interviewer/participant (name not provided in the subtitles; referred to as “Sergey” in one line)