Я поняла, почему мужчины больше не бегают за женщинами. Теперь бегать будут женщины

Summary of the Video’s Main Points

• A “new dating reality” is forming in the CIS/Russia: The video argues that men have largely stopped actively courting women, while women remain able (and often encouraged) to set high standards and act independently. This creates an imbalance where the burden of “classic courtship” falls more on men.

Signs of the Shift

• Women increasingly say in chats: “There are no normal men” and complain that men are childish, lazy, or emotionally lacking.
• The narration contrasts this with the older Soviet model of courtship, where men were expected to take initiative by default—“responsibility as a matter of course.”

Why Men Changed Strategies (Core Explanation)

• Refusal is treated differently now. In modern texting/dating apps, men send a short set of messages; if a woman’s reply is brief or uninterested, they interpret it as a literal “no” and disengage. This is framed as passivity/withdrawal as a rational strategy.
• Dating apps reduce matches drastically, making repeated pursuit feel like a full-time job with low return. The speaker cites Swipe Stats: around 5% match rate / ~2 matches per 100 swipes.
• The transition happened fast in the CIS. The speaker claims the shift from “traditional masculinity and courtship” to “dating-app market logic” took about 15 years, while globally it took longer (e.g., decades in the West).

Historical/Cultural Backdrop Used to Explain Expectations

• The video presents a historical paradox: after WWII, the USSR had a strong male shortage, which might suggest men would have more “choice power.” Instead, society allegedly maintained a normative (not market-based) model: a “real man” must initiate.
• Courtship standards allegedly rose even more because men were “rare,” leading men to feel they had to be “perfect.”
• The speaker claims boys were often raised largely by women in schools/families, learning ideals and rituals from their mothers—without a balancing paternal model.

1990s and Post-Soviet Changes

• The old ideology allegedly collapsed in the 1990s, leaving many men without a clear identity while they continued old courtship rituals—now without their original context.
• Meanwhile, women gained autonomy:
  • earning their own money,
  • more sexual freedom without severe reputation penalties,
  • legal protections.
• Social media intensified comparison and fantasy. The speaker calls it a “simulacrum,” where idealized lifestyles from platforms (e.g., Instagram/bloggers) displace reality.

Courtship Became “Commercialized”

• The video argues that what used to be emotional gestures turned into a financial “minimum/maximum” requirement (expensive dates, gifts, trips).
• It also claims men face no guarantee of return: spending money (and time) doesn’t ensure a relationship, and women could potentially use a man financially or emotionally.

Cost and Risk Calculations

• The speaker provides a rough budget for a “classical” first/initial evening in Moscow:
  • Bouquet: ~3,000 rubles
  • Mid-range dinner: ~4,000–6,000
  • Taxi: ~500–5,000
  • Total: about 10,000+ rubles for one night, with no relationship guarantee.
• The argument expands into longer-term financial and legal risk:
  • divorce can lead to apartment loss,
  • child support can last up to 18,
  • post-divorce contact restrictions exist.
• This is used to support the claim that men’s “investment” often does not pay off.

Why Dating-App Behavior Reinforces Withdrawal

• The video claims new app mechanics devalue initiative: people can swipe/like without risking direct in-person rejection, reducing incentives to pursue actively.
• It also suggests alternative “market substitutes” for romance/intimacy (even mentioning “AI girlfriends”) reduce urgency.

Generational Psychology Explanation

• Men are said to normalize the idea: “I don’t have to prove anything to anyone.”
• The video frames modern comfort and narcissism (including TikTok-era attitudes) as lowering tolerance for emotional pain and rejection—so some men avoid starting.

The “Liquid Love / Commodity Partner” Thesis

• Using Bauman’s idea that love became fluid and partners temporary, the video argues that CIS dating has arrived at that model, reducing incentives for long-term pursuit.

Four Reasons Men Commonly Give for Not Courting (As Summarized by the Narrator)

1. Efforts are devalued because there are too many alternatives on apps.
2. Entry costs increased while there’s no guarantee of success.
3. Status risk/paradox: a man who “achieves” may be perceived as a loser in women’s optics (the speaker says she doesn’t fully understand this, but reports it as common).
4. “I don’t owe anyone”—men interpret women’s interest as not creating an obligation.

What Women Supposedly Misunderstand (Closing Argument)

• Men may not message first/call first because they are allocating resources carefully, not because they lack interest.
• Men may be waiting for reciprocal steps to evaluate prospects.
• Proposed solution: a new relationship architecture with symmetrical initiative, mutual discussion of expectations, and shared investment—plus simplifying inherited courtship rituals.
• Outlook: people will likely continue asking “where are the normal people,” unless both sides adopt a more balanced model.

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Presenters / Contributors

• Video narrator/speaker: unnamed woman (described as someone who explores perspectives “as a woman who sees both sides”)
• Referenced authors/figures (not presenters): Pornhub (data source), Russtat (statistics), Bauman, Erich Fromm