Video summary

How to be confident (even if you’re not) | Montana von Fliss | TEDxBellevueWomen

Main summary

Key takeaways

Wellness and Self-Improvement

Key wellness / confidence strategies (self-care + performance mindset + productivity)

Core idea: You can look confident by making physical/vocal choices and by training your inner self-talk—even when you don’t feel confident.

1) Turn up the energy & speak up

  • Increase energy slightly (aim for about a 5/10 rather than 1/10)
  • Speak up without shouting
  • Goal: sound prepared, positive, and confident

2) Pause strategically (“pause like a boss”)

  • Stop talking so fast
  • Use strategic pauses to signal control:
    • Pause for transition
    • Pause for emphasis
  • Replace filler (ums/likes) with intentional silence

3) Use “superhero stance” (confident body language)

  • Adopt a confident posture (you can do it even from your chair)
  • Key effects:
    • Better posture
    • Better eye contact
    • More facial openness/smiling
  • Shortcut: “make the shape” of confidence (audiences can’t read your mind)

4) Practice with purpose (rehearsal system)

  • Build a rehearsal schedule and put it on your calendar
  • Use targeted practice:
    • Give each day a specific goal
    • Layer in one new “confident captain” technique per day
  • If time is short:
    • Rehearse opening + closing about 3 times in a row
    • Repeat wherever you can (shower, dog walk, cooking, etc.)
  • Practice like the real event:
    • Stand up, speak aloud, imagine the audience
    • Click through slides
    • Practice both virtual and in-person conditions
  • Keep it fresh:
    • Don’t cling to a verbatim script if it gets robotic
    • Use bullet speaker notes to stay authentic

5) The “silent sentence” (inner self-talk override)

  • Replace perfectionist/defeating thoughts (“You better be perfect”) with a purpose-driven message
  • She describes the breakthrough silent sentence:
    • “I want to help my audience to the best of my ability.”
  • Then she evolved it into an “invitation” sentence for stage presence:
    • “I invite you to be here with me while I am here with you so that I can make this easier for you.”
  • How to create yours:
    • Identify your deeper purpose (e.g., help people, inspire action, share a solution)
    • Fill in the blank based on what you want to accomplish
  • Make it automatic:
    • Put the silent sentence into the script
    • Rehearse silent + out loud, until it becomes repeatable under pressure
  • Use a quick self-check when things feel off:
    • What am I telling myself?
    • What is being broadcast?
    • Replace it with a better sentence aligned to the outcome you want
  • Final reminder:
    • Feeling uncomfortable at first is normal—practice trains the “confidence captain” behavior so the audience feels safe.

Presenters / sources

  • Montana von Fliss (TEDxBellevueWomen)
  • Transcriber: Cristina Muñoz
  • Reviewer: Raúl Higareda

Original video