How to Stop Feeling Like You’re in Trouble

Key wellness strategies & self-care / productivity tips

• Understand “being in trouble” as hypervigilance

  • Recognize the feeling as a baseline emotional state (often from childhood trauma) rather than a present reality.
  • Notice if it’s connected to shame and a threat that someone with “power” will shame/punish you.

• Reframe the emotion: shame vs. integrity; connection vs. punishment

  • Treat toxic shame as seeking punishment, not connection.
  • Aim to align with integrity—using emotional awareness to remember you’re fundamentally “good enough.”

• Identify common trauma-driven coping modes

  • Possible survival responses that may still show up as adults:
    • Fawning / people-pleasing (giving away power)
    • Self-doubt and self-neglect
    • Fight mode / acting out (to avoid being shamed again)
    • Shut down
    • Perfectionism (especially if you were parentified)

• Validate your inner child (reduce shame; build safety)

  • Remind yourself: these strategies were heroic survival skills, not character flaws.
  • Focus on grieving the original experiences and allowing different beliefs to form.

• Challenge the trigger in real time (“talk back” to the conditioning)

  • When you feel triggered (e.g., moody partner, prickly boss), use responses that “return” the feeling to the abusive past rather than assuming you’re actually at fault now.
  • Use metaphorical messages to an “abusive parent” programming, such as:
    • “You don’t have any power over me anymore.”
    • “You wrecked mistakes for me and you weaponized them.”
    • “I’m not going to live in fear of making mistakes anymore.”

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Journal prompts / methodology (from the video)

• Journal Prompt #1: “What happened”

  • Part A: Write childhood situations/dynamics that created the lasting “I’m in trouble” feeling.
    • Examples given: shameful behavior, being treated as a burden, screams/violence for mistakes, parentification/scapegoating.
  • Part B: Write how you coped then (and how you still cope now).
    • Examples given: people-pleasing, self-hate, perfect persona, believing you’re a burden or “without common sense.”

• Journal Prompt #2: “Talking back”

  • Ask your inner child:
    • What were they afraid of?
    • What were they sad about?
  • Write what changes if you could be angry instead of being punished.
  • Create metaphorical “messages” from inner child + inner adult to the abusive parent/programming.
    • Examples: “You set me up to apologize for just existing,” “You were more interested in making me feel terrible than loved.”

• Journal Prompt #3: “Parental accountability (metaphorically)”

  • Part A: List adult situations that still trigger “being in trouble” (e.g., emails, stating preferences, conflict, neighbors/pets).
  • Part B: Apply the “talking back” statements to those present triggers.
    • Practice standing up for your inner child instead of seeking evidence that you’re bad/wrong.

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Core takeaway / commitment

• Reclaim two beliefs
  1. When you feel “in trouble,” assign it back to the abusive family system (the original programming).
  2. Commit to the conscious truth: you are not in trouble—this feeling was a coping strategy that kept you safe.

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Presenters / sources

• Patrick (childhood trauma survivor; MSW; childhood trauma educator)
• Amanda Curtain (mentor referenced)