Should I Text Or Let Her Text?

Summary

Coach Corey Wayne responds to a viewer who has been dating his girlfriend for five months and worries that he has been smothering her with frequent texts. After his car broke down, she stopped responding that evening. He then delayed replying to her messages the next day, and they stopped communicating.

Wayne’s main point is to avoid both constant pursuit and passive-aggressive “punishment.” He suggests giving a partner room to initiate contact, paying attention to how much effort each person contributes, and speaking up calmly when something feels disrespectful. He interprets the girlfriend’s lack of concern as a possible sign that her interest has waned, while acknowledging that the viewer also handled the situation poorly by ignoring her messages and saying everything was fine.

Advice and Strategies

• Use texting mainly to make plans. Wayne advises against constant chatting, saying time apart can give each person space to miss the other.
• Let the other person initiate sometimes. If a partner is already reaching out, there may be no need to keep calling or texting just to maintain contact.
• Notice reciprocal effort. Pay attention to whether the other person is showing care and investing in the relationship, rather than relying on what they did or said in the past.
• Set boundaries directly and kindly. Explain what bothered you and how you would like to be treated, without trying to punish the other person or acting cold to provoke a reaction.
• Own your part, too. If communication has stalled, acknowledge that you were upset and that ignoring messages was not constructive.
• Reach out if there is still no contact after about a week. Wayne suggests apologizing for being cold, explaining why the incident upset you, and inviting her to dinner to talk in person.
• Focus on fundamentals rather than tactics. Wayne recommends learning the relationship principles in his book instead of relying on texting tricks.

Presenters and Sources

• Presenter: Coach Corey Wayne
• Sources discussed: An email from a viewer; Wayne’s book and relationship-coaching materials.