Scary Movie 5 movie review

Opening impression

The reviewer jumps into Scary Movie 5 with a mix of disbelief and resignation, joking that the universe keeps forcing him to cover the film after he initially thought it would be a different “Scary” property. He frames the movie as something he calls “terrible” but still fun to talk about.

Main content & highlights

• What the film spoofs: The reviewer says it targets horror while also branching into mainstream hits, specifically calling out spoofs of Mama and Paranormal Activity 4, along with segments inspired by Rise of the Planet of the Apes and Inception.
• One genuinely funny beat (for the wrong reason): He laughs at the Inception parody, not because it’s well-executed, but because the actor impersonating Leonardo DiCaprio lands as an exaggerated caricature that triggers his “funny bone.”
• Celebrity opening gag (spoiler warning): The movie begins with a parody where Charlie Sheen is “banging” Lindsay Lohan, and then both are killed immediately. The reviewer underscores this with a spoiler warning and mocks the follow-up title-card humor—text that claims Charlie Sheen’s body was found and jokes about him “not stopping partying” for days.
• Text-card comedy being the best part: He claims the funniest moments come from on-screen text, more than the actual scenes.
• “Mama” closet bit: A child warns “don’t look in the closet,” and when the closet opens, the maid is revealed doing something gross and absurd. The reviewer nitpicks the staging—especially the idea of a toilet in a kid’s closet—arguing the setup exists mainly to force a cheap joke.

What he criticizes most

• He argues the spoof’s logic and production choices don’t make sense—especially when house/layout changes seem designed only to manufacture a gag, which can fail to land.
• He criticizes the timeliness of the satire, saying it spoofs a very recent movie (Evil Dead), implying it may have been rushed to match trends—so rushed it feels “embarrassing.”
• He blames the writers for being out of touch, comparing their approach to an older relative misunderstanding modern culture. In his view, the movie feels like a bad time-sink—something you shouldn’t feel like you “owe” attention to.

Overall takeaway

The reviewer’s verdict is essentially: Scary Movie 5 is not a good spoof. He notes only occasional laugh-out-loud moments—particularly when the film leans on caricature acting or title-card/text punchlines—but mostly he calls it dog [bleep] and advises it isn’t worth your time.

Personalities mentioned (as characters/real people referenced)

• Ashley Tisdale (stars in the film)
• Charlie Sheen (parodied; opening scene)
• Lindsay Lohan (parodied; opening scene)
• Leonardo DiCaprio (impersonated in the Inception spoof)
• Jackie Robinson (mentioned in the intro as a comparison to another release)