I'm sorry

Apology and Accountability for a Recent Episode

The presenter apologizes for how a recent episode was framed—especially the titles:

• “If you’re wondering why women chose the bear”
• “This is why good women are giving up on men”

She acknowledges that the episode’s tone may have offended or pushed the channel’s “Lovers” community away from the inclusive, call-in (not call-out) culture she wants.

She clarifies that the issue wasn’t only the content, but the emotional context:

• The episode was produced too close to another Melissa-related episode.
• Both were released during a highly reactive wider news/social climate, including stories involving domestic violence and men harming wives.
• She argues that their reactivity showed up as a call-out dynamic, rather than a call-in.
• She emphasizes that she doesn’t want the platform to shame or shrink people for having differences.

Strategy of Online Commentary: Chaos vs. Love

She reflects on broader strategy in online commentary, using the Game of Thrones metaphor:

“Chaos is a ladder.”

Her point:

• Rage-driven, reactive content often performs well because it attracts engagement and allows creators to “use the chaos” to advance their careers.
• By contrast, the harder “ladder” is love, which requires:
  • listening
  • self-regulation
  • confronting biases
  • doing the work to understand others

She positions the platform’s mission as moving away from chaos-driven messaging and toward love-driven connection. She also admits that she has previously benefited from chaos, clickbait, and arguments, and is now trying to remove that behavior from her value system.

Personal Background and Career Reflection

She describes her background as a sex educator/journalist, including:

• overcoming early personal shame
• realizing she wasn’t “broken,” but that systems failed her
• sharing that her book and early work received little traction

She explains that later growth—especially on YouTube—came partly from using conflict and controversy, which she now wants to correct.

Clarification About the Melissa Episode

The presenter offers additional clarification related to the Melissa episode:

• She says Melissa’s “warranted rage” was expected.
• However, the way the message was positioned—plus the selection of clips/comments—did not calm the opposing side and may have intensified hostility toward Melissa.

She reiterates that she wants no audience member to feel they don’t belong, regardless of:

• gender
• age
• body size
• ability
• or other differences

“Non-Apology” and Upcoming Episode Framing

A “non-apology” follows, tied to another upcoming episode. She explains she felt dread about releasing it due to:

• her effort to balance storytelling with anticipating backlash
• concern about viewers who feel triggered by “non-conventional” relationship dynamics (including non-monogamy)

Featured Guest: Kiana Harris

She introduces the next featured guest, Kiana Harris, describing a cooperative, respectful “blended” family dynamic:

• Kiana is married to a law professor
• her ex-husband (incarcerated for 20 years) remains involved in healthy co-parenting with respect

She argues the story can be misread through stereotypes and judgment, but she frames it as:

• evidence of values-based collaboration
• not dysfunction or “apologies”

Editing and Communication Approach

She explains her approach:

• she believes she tried to appease triggered viewers
• therefore, she didn’t come from the “inside out” with the same joy and relaxation she could have

She asserts:

• her own relationship (Jared and herself) is “phenomenal”
• she isn’t lying

She suggests some viewers may be searching for “proof” or trying to catch inconsistencies. Still, she emphasizes the lesson from this week: lead from love, not fear.

Closing Accountability and Scheduling Note

She closes by:

• reiterating accountability
• asking for continued challenge from the community
• stating she will “level set,” do better, and keep moving forward

She also provides scheduling context:

• episodes are filmed up through September
• release timing depends on guests’ project schedules
• the Kiana Harris episode will be posted promptly to the Lovers community

Presenters / Contributors

• Shan (host/presenter; “Shen”)
• Melissa (referenced; guest from a prior episode)
• Kiana Harris (guest for the upcoming episode)
• Jared (presenter’s partner; referenced)
• Yansancy (editor; referenced)
• Andrea Lewis (referenced; collaborator on an earlier project)