Viktor Kostický: Povedať „ukľudni sa" nefunguje. Dôležité je počúvať, nie rozprávať | ČASŤ ROZHOVORU

Overview

Viktor Kostický argues that effective negotiation is not about “calming someone down” or forcing opinions. The phrase “calm down” (and similar demands to quickly reduce emotions) is said to never work, because emotional escalation has to be handled indirectly. Instead, negotiators should de-escalate by first addressing emotions, then gently shifting the interaction toward constructiveness.

Core Principles

Listening over talking

Kostický emphasizes that the negotiator’s central job is to listen—especially for emotional cues and inconsistencies—rather than trying to dominate with loud or persuasive speech. He notes that pressure often leads to counter-pressure.

“Pushing” without manipulation

He reframes “pushing an opinion” as offering an option, such as: “If I were you, I’d take this offer.” However, he stresses that the foundation must be authentic interest, not harm or pressure.

De-escalation is required before negotiation

In highly emotional situations (for example, public confrontations), negotiation may not be possible until emotions drop to a level where meaningful discussion can start. With crowds, this is generally harder than in one-on-one settings.

Negotiation as behavioral science

Kostický connects negotiation to applied psychology and behavioral economics, focusing on how the brain responds and how emotional/behavioral dynamics evolve—rather than treating negotiation as pure argumentation.

Avoiding ego and inappropriate language

He argues that ego must be left “at the door.” Humiliating or dismissive phrases (e.g., implying someone is incompetent) damage outcomes. He also highlights that small language choices can either escalate tension or reduce it.

Rules and team dynamics

Professional negotiation may involve rules and division of speaking roles (sometimes including legal teams). Where possible, emotionally involved parties (such as owners) may be excluded to improve the process—though this isn’t always practical.

Practical Techniques

Paraphrasing

A key method is paraphrasing: restating what the other person said in a way that subtly tests meaning, invites clarification, and reduces potentially offensive undertones. He warns against artificial flattery.

“What/why” and childhood triggers

He discusses how asking “why” or using certain formulations can feel like reproach—linked to childhood experiences—which can reignite hostility.

Manipulation depends on intention

Kostický differentiates manipulation from “the same action” performed with honest intent. For example, in online booking, saying “last room available” can be manipulative if deceptive, but not if it’s truthful.

Background, Credentials, and Examples

• Kostický describes himself as a rare professional negotiator who works mainly for businesses and entrepreneurs, sometimes behind the scenes and sometimes remotely. He claims that, in Slovakia, only a couple of others do similar business-focused work.
• He compares his work to police negotiation, noting shared principles, and mentions collaboration with a colleague connected to Prague police negotiator coordination.
• Example (public resistance): He recounts resistance to a planned waste recycling facility. The audience was mostly angry, with aggressive behavior, making direct negotiation difficult. However, de-escalation helped shift the interaction from shouting to partial discussion.

Presenter / Contributor

• Viktor Kostický