BIG SIGNS Avoidant is Emotionally ATTRACTED To You

Key Signs an Avoidant Is Emotionally Attracted to You (and What It Means)

1) Shared activities (a big sign)

They engage in activities with you that reflect emotional regulation and compatibility. They do this because they feel you can handle their vulnerability and “performance” without shaming or embarrassing them.

Examples:

• Playing chess because they see you as intellectually compatible.
• Sports like basketball, trusting you won’t react badly if they get hurt (e.g., a scrape or scrape a knee).

2) They open up about small/random stressors (and thoughts)

They share fleeting, low-stakes concerns comfortably. Often, they aren’t necessarily looking for a big emotional conversation or problem-solving—they may simply want acknowledgment.

Examples:

• “I haven’t been eating enough protein…”
• “I’m stressed about a meeting but I’ll figure it out.”

Self-care / communication tip (important nuance): Avoidants may withdraw if you respond too intensely when they open up. A better response is typically: - “I appreciate you sharing—fair enough / me too / thanks for telling me.”

A less effective response (example of what can overwhelm them) is turning it into an immediate detailed plan or heavy caretaking right away.

3) They teach you things

They share knowledge they worked hard to develop—something that can feel indirectly intimate and loving. Teaching is often framed as giving you their “curated” expertise: skipping the “hard work” step, but offering what it represents.

4) They learn from you

They pick up your habits and skills, sometimes even from what you do rather than what you say.

Example:

• Learning cooking techniques from you and copying or mimicking them.

5) They admit they’re trying (effort toward patience)

They communicate that they’re working on their behavior/emotions, even if it’s difficult. In effect, they’re signaling: “Please don’t leave—understand I’m trying.”

6) They try to solve your problems (noted as more common for male avoidants)

They offer solutions, support, and “being there” through practical help. The source notes this behavior is significantly more common in male avoidants, though it can still happen with female avoidants.

Presenters / Sources

• Speaker: A practicing therapist and doctoral student of psychology (name not provided in the subtitles).