fantasies and gtg take care of myself

Summary

The speaker wakes up feeling low and emotionally drained after talking with her sister. Playing guitar helps a little, and she tries to regulate herself before returning to her responsibilities. She reflects that pushing herself to work more than her planned routine allows has been counterproductive and wants to avoid burning out.

Key Reflections and Plans

• Work at her own pace: She has established a routine that starts around 1:00 and finds that adding more work time too soon makes it harder to function.
• Make room for self-care: She plans to shower, get food, and possibly go out alone to journal and decompress before trying to work.
• Build a life beyond missing someone: She misses someone she likes, but also wants to develop her own interests and feel content on her own. She hopes he will be direct about his feelings, but is prepared to move on if he is not.
• Explore hobbies: She has tried guitar and journaling, wants to return to figure drawing, and is interested in reading Tom Sawyer.
• Journal flexibly: She prefers talking or typing her thoughts on her phone or iPad, and writing in her other journal when she feels like it, rather than following a rigid schedule.
• Practice self-acceptance: She compliments her appearance and recognizes that people do not always need to justify their feelings or prove they are valid.
• Notice personal needs and boundaries: She realizes she may enjoy physical affection more than she thought, while wanting to focus on her responsibilities and avoid relying on uncertain attention from others.

Notable People, Places, and Items

Her sister; the person she has romantic feelings for; Chayatim, a place she is considering visiting; guitar; Tom Sawyer; figure drawing; cheesecake; hot chocolate; and ice cream.