Baby Carrot Energy I Andrew Orolfo I Stand Up Comedy

Set Summary

Andrew Orolfo builds his set around a ridiculous comparison: earthquake magnitudes as a scale for penis size. A 3.5 goes unnoticed, a 5.5–6 is “probably the best one,” and anything above 8 leaves total destruction—including, mysteriously, a dead dog. He says the joke is fun to perform because he can spot couples in the crowd when someone elbows their partner at the punchline.

Orolfo then riffs on being an Asian man. His girlfriend told him he gives “average dick energy,” which he takes as a win over the stereotype he says he was assigned from birth. The couple had also tried adding sex toys to a relationship he jokes was close to breaking up. Their handcuff plans hit a snag when he realized he had no bedpost, so they improvised by the refrigerator—conveniently close to cold drinks.

Next, Orolfo turns to long-distance relationships and chats with an audience member whose former partner was in Mexico. He jokingly asks if she wants to hang out, then clarifies that he’s trying to learn how couples stay intimate across the distance. When she explains that they visited each other, he pivots to his own East Coast–West Coast relationship, with his girlfriend in New York.

His solution was a remotely controlled vibrator, which he jokes was far too much power for him to have. The couple used its vibration patterns as a guessing game—the “coochie Shazam game”—with him tapping out musical beats for her to identify. He ends with a reveal: the jokes are old, and they’re no longer together, but he still sometimes turns the device on in the morning as a very unconventional alarm.

Personalities in the Video

• Andrew Orolfo — Stand-up comedian and performer.
• Audience members — Including a woman who shares that she had a long-distance relationship with someone in Mexico.