The Last American Virgin - This Aged Great!

Summary

Ben walks Jordan through The Last American Virgin, a teen romance that turns out to be much bleaker than its title—or Gary’s crush—suggests. Gary, a pizza-delivery guy with a pink station wagon topped by a little Italian pizza statue, falls for Karen at first sight. He’s so fixated on her that he brushes off Rose, who clearly likes him.

The recap gets darker as Gary and his friends try to lose their virginity. Gary’s disastrous encounter with a prostitute ends with him throwing up, and the guys mistakenly try to cure their crabs by swimming in a pool. The hosts riff on how much sexual-health advice has changed, joking that shaving pubic hair “made crabs extinct” and wondering why nobody built a monument to the person who invented pulling out.

When Karen becomes pregnant after breaking up with Rick, Gary steps up. He secretly gathers money for her abortion, even pawning his parents’ stereo, then looks after her while she recovers. His tender breakfast-making and heartfelt confession make him imagine they’re finally a couple. But at her birthday party, he finds Karen kissing Rick. The film ends with Gary driving away in tears—a sudden, crushing finish that leaves the hosts stunned.

Afterward, they point out the irony: Gary has spent the movie treating Rose much as Karen treats him. They imagine Rose’s own unseen heartbreak, possibly involving a ridiculous delivery vehicle of her own, and land on the joking moral: tip your delivery drivers.

Personalities Appearing

Ben Moore and Jordan Elias.