7 types of attraction most people don't know exist (from an asexual)

Main ideas / lessons

• Attraction isn’t limited to just two categories (sexual and romantic). Many people also don’t realize they can be attracted to others in different, non-romantic, non-sexual ways.
• Mislabeling attraction can create confusion in relationships and identity. Naming/recognizing different attraction types helps emotions and relationship dynamics feel easier to understand.
• The speaker (who identifies as asexual) uses personal reflections to explain how attraction can exist without leading to sexual contact or romantic dating/commitment.
• Recognizing “nonstandard” attraction types can improve self-awareness and reduce conflict—especially around what people assume physical closeness “means.”

List of attraction types discussed (with definitions and examples)

1. Sexual attraction

   • Definition: Desire for sexual contact or sexual intimacy with another person.
   • Key point: Treated as the main attraction in culture, but it’s only one category.
   • Noted effect: Understanding this helps explain why people can have different “butterflies,” desires, and emotions toward different people.

2. Romantic attraction

   • Definition: Desire to be in a romantic relationship with someone.
   • Common markers: Dates, hand-holding, “butterflies,” and wanting to build a life with the person.
   • Key point: Often mixed up with sexual attraction (especially by straight people).
   • Speaker’s view: Probably less common than sexual attraction overall; suggested as often common among asexual people.

3. Aesthetic attraction

   • Definition: Appreciation of someone’s appearance, style, or the way they carry themselves—similar to appreciating a sunset/tree/flower.
   • Key constraint: No desire for a relationship and no desire for sexual contact.
   • Comparison/example: Like liking a celebrity—you may find them beautiful without wanting to date them.
   • Speaker’s experience: The speaker says they experience this most; they enjoy looking and appreciating a person’s presence/personality-as-visual, but don’t feel motivated to act.

4. Sensual / sensory attraction

   • Definition: Physical closeness that is not sexual.
   • Examples: Wanting to hug someone, hold their hand, play with their hair, comfort them, desire closeness without wanting bed/sex or a life partnership.
   • Key point: The speaker says this confuses people because they assume physical closeness is always romantic or sexual.
   • Speaker’s experience: Significant in their relationship while still feeling clearly non-sexual.

5. Intellectual attraction

   • Definition: Desire to engage with someone’s mind—fascination with how they think, speak, solve problems, rationalize ideas.
   • Examples: Wanting to talk for hours, pick apart ideas, share ideas.
   • Key point: Not necessarily dating; described as genuine curiosity.
   • Speaker’s example story: They felt intense intellectual pull toward a person whose situation/experiences made their mind “insane.” They entered a relationship thinking it was romantic, then realized what they wanted was mentally connected conversation, not romantic/sexual involvement.

6. Platonic attraction

   • Definition: Intense desire to be someone’s friend (a “friend crush”).
   • Examples: Wanting to talk with them, think about them, feel anxiety when reaching out if not close, admiration-driven desire to befriend.
   • Key point: Not romantic and not sexual.

7. Alterous attraction

   • Definition: Emotional closeness that doesn’t fit platonic or romantic categories.
   • Position in the spectrum: “Between” friendship and romance.
   • Key point: You may want to be closer than friendship but don’t want to date or be in a romantic relationship.
   • Identity effect: The speaker says it can make people question their identity—especially if feelings don’t match expected labels.
   • Example interpretation: Some people find “soulmates” through this that aren’t necessarily romantic (e.g., a friendship soulmate). If the person doesn’t become a best friend, it can be confusing.

Overall argument / takeaway

• Using only “friendship vs romantic vs sexual” can erase nuance and lead to misunderstanding yourself and others.
• The speaker argues that humans are complex, and relationships often involve multiple attraction types at once (including chemistry present in friendship).
• Practical suggestion: Start noticing which attraction(s) you feel toward different people; if none fit the named categories, create a new word rather than forcing feelings into rigid labels.

Speakers / sources featured

• Speaker: The video’s primary narrator, who identifies as asexual (no specific name provided in the subtitles).
• Referenced public figure (example only): Natalie Portman.