Detransitioning: Why Did I Even Transition? (FTM Transgender)

Key story context (why they transitioned, and later why they’re reconsidering)

• They grew up presenting as a girl and initially struggled to identify as a woman.
• For a long period, they experienced significant distress in daily life, including:
  • depression
  • an eating disorder
  • suicidal thoughts
• At the time, they believed transition was the only solution available to them.
• After coming out, they began medical transition relatively quickly, including:
  • hormone therapy
  • top surgery / mastectomy
• Later, they realized their motivations were more complex than a straightforward narrative like “born in the wrong body.”

Wellness/self-care and mental health strategies mentioned

• Therapy/support for detransition
  • They report finding a therapist and say they would have been scared to detransition without mental health support.
• Treating the eating disorder directly
  • They plan to work on their eating disorder because they describe it as “strongly related” to their transition/detransition feelings.
• Preparing emotionally for body changes (mindset shift)
  • They anticipate potentially negative changes such as:
    • weight gain
    • a softer body
    • voice changes
    • hip changes
    • possible street harassment and/or unwanted comments
  • They emphasize learning to handle those changes “in a positive way.”
• Self-reflection as a mental health tool
  • They re-examine what drove their transition, including how eating-disorder “voice” dynamics and social factors may have influenced their choices.

Productivity / methodology (implicit mental frameworks)

• Separating “voices” / internal motivations (self-awareness technique)
  • They describe two competing internal narratives:
    • a “rational/healthy voice”
    • a louder “unhealthy voice” tied to the eating disorder (e.g., fear of weight gain, obsession with perfection)
  • They use this framing to understand that external decisions (including transition) may have been partly driven by ED logic rather than solely by gender identity.

Other key factors they identify as influencing the decision

• Eating disorder dynamics
  • They believed transitioning would help their body meet eating-disorder goals (e.g., becoming thinner and more “acceptable”).
  • They noted that when they lost weight, they received compliments—reinforcing the ED.
  • They view transition as intertwined with “proof” from external validation (compliments/love), not just gender identity.
• Feminism/socialization influences
  • They felt disconnected from misogynistic, rigid gender expectations learned from society, including appearance and behavioral rules (and restrictions on how people were “allowed” to sit or act).
  • They mention never having female role models in media and instead mostly identifying with male characters.
• Early sexualization/harassment experiences affecting self-worth
  • They describe unwanted sexual attention and comments tied to early puberty and developing breasts, starting very young.
  • They felt their worth became tied to how many men found them attractive.
  • They associate safety/freedom and social ease with being read as male—less harassment and less fear.

Presenters / sources

• Presenter/source: The YouTube creator (unnamed in the subtitles)
• Video title: “Detransitioning: Why Did I Even Transition? (FTM Transgender)”