Malidoma Somé: The Blessing of Betrayal (1993)

Overview

Malidoma Somé reflects on how communities—and whole societies—get trapped in cycles of hostility and “betrayal” when a core spiritual and social force he calls blessing is absent or withdrawn. He connects personal experience, Indigenous spiritual concepts, and colonial/modern political realities into a single framework: when blessing is missing, curse, envy, hostility, and violence fill the psychological space.

Personal origin story and the meaning of “terminal” knowledge

• Somé describes returning home after seminary training and encountering turmoil around him. He links it to a revelation from his father: his “terminal disease” was not cancer but the “terminal” knowledge of literacy (how to read and write).
• He argues that some kinds of knowing delete access to other knowledge, as if knowledge exists in a finite inner space.
• He frames his talk as an attempt to address the healing of betrayal, while suggesting the final title may depend on the outcome of the discussion.

Blessing, curse, and why hostility “translates behind itself”

Drawing from his father/grandfather’s teachings, Somé claims:

• Hostility signals an absence of blessing.
• When blessing is not explicitly provided, curse occupies the space of blessing.
• A cursed person tends to seek out the home of the blessed person to wage conflict—because the presence of blessing reminds them of what’s missing.

He also emphasizes the central role of elders:

• Blessing is not symbolic decoration; it must be “installed” in the psyche.
• If elders do not do this work, it creates an internal “chemical reaction” that can rot the person’s inner life and produce a “counter-motor” dynamic.

Initiation, maturation, and modern social breakdown

Somé argues:

• Initiation during adolescence is how blessing is properly transferred.
• Without initiation (in his culture, tied to “remembering”), people remain like adolescents—unable to mature.

He extends this to Africa today:

• Colonial schooling uprooted people from family structures and trained leaders to follow Western models.
• He criticizes comprador/neo-colonial elites educated abroad as upholding Western values and contributing to harmful hierarchies and power-hunger.
• He links the rise of authoritarian intimidation and terror to societies lacking blessing and authentic spiritual maturation.

He presents food scarcity and deprivation as concrete expressions of this spiritual-social failure:

• He describes early hunger in the U.S. and argues that “third world” conditions can debilitate people by starving others to impose control.
• Scarcity disrupts elder-young ties and drives youth to flee initiation and elder guidance for cities—where food presence feels externally accessible.

Blessing is a “state of the soul,” not prosperity

Somé stresses that many equate blessing with prosperity, but he insists blessing is:

• a psychological/spiritual condition of comfort in the soul
• not something achieved via “glamour” or external power

He quotes ideas attributed to his grandfather:

• beauty outside is a lie
• beauty within is power in a growing state

He also points to modern architecture (such as high-rises) as a signal of cultures that lack inner blessing—people boast externally to compensate.

Energy approach: talismans and non-retaliation

Somé interprets hostility as an energy that can possess or overwhelm someone, becoming independent of the person who first feels it.

He explains the cultural origin of talisman/shrines (and similar practices) as an energetic countermeasure:

• The best defense is not returning hatred, but creating “medicine” that cancels hostile energy.

He argues that enemies/threats are misread:

• Retaliation intensifies the negative energy and keeps everyone trapped as victims.

He describes a technique-like view of the psyche:

• There are inner “receptacles” that attract and trap energies.
• Elders can “sort things out” not by conscious analysis, but by deeper inner processes.

Spirituality as the most effective political stance; power “staying hidden”

Somé claims the “best political stance” is spiritual, because spirit enables healing/realization in the world rather than fighting frontally against intimidating forces.

He emphasizes hiddenness:

• Real power doesn’t like advertising.
• Showing off power signals losing it.

He frames himself as “a positive virus” during times of deep darkness:

• effective change happens from within and from concealment rather than publicity.

Modernity as adolescent energy; militarism as continuation of immaturity

Somé argues modern conflicts (including nuclear weapons and mass violence) reflect an adolescent vibration rather than true maturity.

He claims military systems depend on keeping people in adolescent states, so he questions labels such as “bastion of the free world,” portraying modern societies as wasteful and coercive rather than free.

“Friend with a stranger” and building a healing shield

He reinterprets his name (“Be friend with a stranger”):

• friendship toward people awake within modernity
• not toward those fully embedded in the “corporate” darkness

He proposes that people come together to remember and build a “healing shield” against worldly hostility.

Healing is presented as ongoing and ritual-based:

• ritual generates healing,
• healing produces community,
• community cannot be defined beforehand by a modern blueprint.

Betrayal explained as envy and as a misunderstood invitation to share blessing

Somé defines betrayal relationally:

• The betrayer is often driven by seeing “blessing” in the betrayed and craving what’s missing in themselves.
• Betrayed people may be tempted to return hostility, escalating the cycle.

He suggests betrayal is sometimes:

• a call to return blessing
• and can be treated as a form of blessing itself—proof that the other sees a blessed dimension in them.

Radical ritual healing for envy/hatred (including a gender approach)

When envy is wrapped in anger, Somé recommends:

• opening a ritual space that lets the person descend to the place where hatred/envy operates
• temporarily dismissing ordinary thinking patterns so the energy can be released

He describes this as a “radical ritual”:

• physical and emotional shock
• then a nurturing circle to teach the person their worth—so they “burst to teach” (i.e., remembrance returns)

Gender approach

• For women: he asserts women must initiate this healing process; male elders cannot lead it for women without replicating gendered imbalance.
• He argues healed women and men can coexist without conflict if both are full—“two glasses that are full.”
• He discourages joint healing initiatives framed in terms of complaint and victimhood, which he believes would generate non-productive competition.

Relationship to the “hostile brother” inside

Somé addresses an inner “hostile brother” tied to external systems:

• hostility signals that an “ancient self” is waking up
• suppressing hostility would cause people to miss the good it is pointing to

Therefore, hostility should be treated as a reminder:

• something better is emerging
• it will eventually merge with love, leaving no hostility behind

Presenters / contributors

• Malidoma Somé (main speaker)