The worst (and most misogynistic) dating book I've read in a long time

Summary

Dr. Ana reviews Australian dating coach Jake Maddock’s book How to Achieve a 10 out of 10 Relationship, arguing that much of its advice is misogynistic, rigid, and unsupported by relationship science. She notes that Maddock describes himself as a “world-class” coach and says his typical clients are middle-aged single mothers.

The video also recounts allegations from former clients that Maddock misrepresented services they had paid thousands of dollars for and sent abusive messages. These are presented as allegations, not independently established findings.

A central target of the review is Maddock’s insistence that men should lead and be “masculine,” while women should be “feminine” and deferential. Dr. Ana argues that this treats culturally defined gender roles as universal rules and dismisses the diversity of successful relationships. She contrasts Maddock’s anecdotes with research suggesting that psychological well-being is associated with a balance of traditionally masculine and feminine traits, and that partners’ agreement about the importance of gender roles may matter more than whether they conform to them. She also cites relationship research emphasizing the importance of men accepting influence from their partners.

Dr. Ana criticizes Maddock’s advice that women should avoid leading, continually soften their requests, smile, and encourage men to make decisions. She argues that this risks promoting unequal and exhausting relationships. She also challenges his claims that women rely on emotion while men rely on logic, noting that emotion and reasoning are not opposites and that measured sex differences in reasoning are generally small.

The reviewer says Maddock’s praise of forceful “alpha” behavior—including stories about intimidating women into “feminine energy”—conflicts with his stated opposition to bullying. She also objects to his advice that wives should have sex even when they do not want to, describing pressure for unwanted intimacy as coercive.

The book includes some advice Dr. Ana considers useful:

• Maintain individual and shared interests, and build common goals.
• Listen on dates, notice context and body language, and choose enjoyable date activities.
• Avoid introducing children to a partner too early, and do not treat a partner’s ex as a rival for the children’s affection.
• Keep trying after setbacks and support loved ones rather than constantly criticizing them.

However, she argues that these points are undermined by the book’s confrontational communication advice, inaccurate approach to boundaries, and rigid timeline for dating, moving in, engagement, marriage, and having children. In her view, relationship timelines should account for people’s age, culture, and circumstances.

Dr. Ana also criticizes the book’s editing and production, citing confusing structure, grammatical problems, repeated paragraphs, inconsistent numbering, awkward spacing, and blank pages. Her overall conclusion is that the book is not grounded in relationship science and is not one she would recommend.

Presenters and Contributors

• Dr. Ana — Presenter and reviewer.
• Charlie — Dr. Ana’s husband, who briefly appears in a demonstration of the book’s suggested communication style.
• Jake Maddock — Author of the reviewed book and subject of the commentary.