Summary of "Welcome to the New Etiquette | Susan Callender | TEDxBeaconStreet"

Summary of “Welcome to the New Etiquette | Susan Callender | TEDxBeaconStreet”

Susan Callender discusses the importance of modern social skills, which she terms the “new etiquette” or “social synchronicity,” as essential tools for connecting with others in professional and social settings. She shares a client story and provides practical advice on how to improve interpersonal interactions in today’s diverse, fast-paced world.

Main Ideas and Concepts

Challenges in Social Connection: Many people struggle to connect with strangers or acquaintances in social and professional environments despite having qualifications or achievements.
Client Example (Claire):
- Claire, a Harvard Graduate School of Design alumna, was unsuccessful in landing a job despite strong credentials.
- She lacked basic social skills such as eye contact, a good handshake, and small talk.
- After working with Susan for six weeks, Claire improved her social presence and engagement, leading to multiple job offers and successful negotiations.
Etiquette’s Negative Perception:
- The traditional concept of etiquette is often associated with outdated, rigid class-based rules and makes many people uncomfortable.
- Etiquette has origins in Western European upper-class norms designed to separate social classes.
- Despite this, people are still drawn to polished social behavior (e.g., the popularity of Downton Abbey).
Rebranding Etiquette as Social Synchronicity:
- Social synchronicity is awareness of one’s social environment and making a conscious effort to contribute positively.
- It involves adapting to a mixed, multicultural, multigenerational society by being a “chameleon.”
- Small behaviors (posture, mood, presence of mind) influence how others perceive us and whether they like, include, or hire us.
- Courtesy acts as a ripple effect, expanding one’s social influence.

Methodology / Instructions for Social Synchronicity

Susan offers three practical steps to develop better social synchronization:

Use People’s Names: Remember and use the names of people you interact with regularly (e.g., baristas, receptionists). Using someone’s name makes them feel seen, heard, and appreciated, deepening the connection.
Unplug from Electronics: Avoid distractions like texting, phone calls, headphones, or tablets when with others. Engage fully in face-to-face interactions because human brains crave conversation and connection.
Bring Friendly, Kind, and Confident Energy: Take responsibility for the energy you bring to social situations. Even if shy, you can choose to be charismatic by:
- Initiating conversations without waiting for others.
- Offering genuine compliments.
- Connecting over shared interests or similarities.

Use the positive energy from connections to influence your day and environment.

Key Lessons

First impressions and initial contact are critical in determining social and professional opportunities.
Social skills are not innate but can be learned and refined.
Being socially synchronized helps people feel comfortable rather than uneasy around you.
The way you make others feel leaves a lasting impact, often more than words or actions.
Embracing new etiquette—social synchronicity—can make every interaction more meaningful and memorable.

“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” — Maya Angelou

Speakers / Sources Featured

Susan Callender – Speaker and social skills coach, author of the talk.
Claire – Susan’s client, whose story illustrates the impact of social skills coaching.
Maya Angelou – Quoted regarding the lasting impact of how people make others feel.

This TEDx talk reframes etiquette for the modern world, emphasizing adaptable, empathetic social engagement as a vital life skill.