Summary of "If you still think about your ex every day and can’t move on, please watch this..."

Summary — key points, strategies, and practical steps

Core insight

You’re usually not addicted to “the person” but to the way you felt with them (dopamine/oxytocin + identity). Healing begins when you focus on reclaiming that feeling for yourself rather than chasing the person.

Why you stay stuck

Brain chemistry causes withdrawal after a breakup.
Identity fusion: you were “we,” so losing them feels like losing your reflection.
The mind re-writes stories (romanticizing highlights, forgetting the bad) to feel safe, which reinforces the attachment.

Myths that keep you trapped

“Time heals everything.” Time helps only if you stop feeding the attachment; healing is active, not passive.
“I just need closure.” Closure is internal: choosing peace over needing explanations or apologies.
“If I move on, it means I never cared.” Real can be seasonal; moving on doesn’t negate what was real.
“If they came back, it would finally work.” Hope without real change usually repeats the same pain; real relationships require both people to show up and change.

Practical healing strategies (actionable)

Focus on the feeling, not the person

Ask: “What part of me felt most alive in that relationship? How can I give that back to myself?”
Re-create those feelings via self, friends, and community so the feeling belongs to you.

Stop feeding the fantasy

Block breadcrumbs: unfollow/block on social media, remove old playlists/photos, stop checking.
Write both storylines: list positive memories and also the reasons you weren’t right for each other.

Feel without dramatizing

Allow grief but don’t make it your identity. Sit with sadness without camping in it.
Journaling prompt: “What did this relationship teach me about my needs (not my worth)?”

Rebuild rituals / restore structure

Create new anchors where you were triggered: morning walks, gym, therapy, weekly dinners with friends.
Identify the three daily moments you’re most triggered and plan specific self-care/connection for them.

Shift your question

Instead of “Why didn’t it work?” ask “To what version of me was I becoming while trying to make it work?” Use the answer to continue growth or to realize why you won’t go back.

Let pain become purpose

Use your heartbreak to learn and evolve (kintsugi metaphor: the cracks become gold).
Turn lessons into healthier relationship patterns going forward.

What to do when you slip back (relapse tips)

Expect non-linear recovery — forward and back is normal.
Replace the urge to contact the ex with an immediate alternative:
- Text a friend instead of the ex.
- Reconnect or create new social plans instead of rereading messages.
Reframe questions: instead of “Do they miss me?” ask “Am I proud of who I’m becoming?”
Practice self-compassion and extend it to your future self by making choices that protect your future peace.

Short practical checklist

Unfollow/block and remove reminders.
Journal the “needs” lessons and list reasons you weren’t right together.
Schedule three consistent daily rituals (one to target each main trigger moment).
When tempted to reach out, call/text a friend or do a short grounding activity.
Remind yourself: you can reclaim the feelings they triggered from within and community.

Presenters / sources

J. (Jay) Shetty — host, OnPurpose podcast
Wayne Dyer — quoted example about what’s inside (orange analogy)
The Buddha — quoted parable about liking vs loving a flower
Matthew Hussey — referenced as a related conversation/guest resource on getting over an ex