Summary of "The Secret about Sex and Holiness"

Main ideas and teachings

“A sacred sign instituted by Christ that gives grace.” — definition of a sacrament

Sacrament defined: a visible sign that confers sanctifying grace (the life of God that transforms us and makes us holy).

The ministers of the sacrament are the bride and groom; the priest (or deacon/bishop) serves as the Church’s official witness.
The wedding vows at the altar “ratify” or make the sacrament real, but the sacrament is not fully completed until the sexual embrace (consummation).
- The sexual act between husband and wife is an essential element of the marital sacrament; until consummation the sacrament remains incomplete (and is sometimes described as invalid until consummated).

Every time spouses engage in marital sexual intimacy “in a state of grace,” they renew their vows and receive sanctifying grace, thereby growing in holiness and glory.
Sexual intimacy within marriage is not merely a private physical act; it is a sacred, holy act that participates in the sacramental life.

Not because sex is “dirty” or merely taboo, but because it is uniquely good and holy and meant to be a pathway to holiness rather than harm.
Premarital sex is discouraged because consummation of the sacrament (and the full sacramental meaning of sex as a gift and a source of grace) belongs within the marriage covenant.

Dating couples should invite God into gestures of affection (kisses, embraces) rather than excluding God from those moments.
Married couples should approach sexual intimacy as renewal of vows and an occasion to receive sanctifying grace; this should shape how spouses relate to one another.

If you are dating:
- Consciously invite the Lord into small affectionate gestures (prayerful awareness, offering the act to God).
- Avoid premarital sexual relations because sexual intimacy is intended to consummate a sacramental covenant.
If you are engaged:
- Understand that the wedding vows and the later sexual consummation together complete the sacrament of matrimony.
- Prepare for marriage with the awareness that sexual intimacy will be a repeated means of sanctifying grace.
If you are married:
- Approach each sexual encounter as a renewal of vows — a mutual gift of self “in the name of Jesus” to your spouse.
- Seek to be “in a state of grace” (confession, prayer, reception of the sacraments) so that marital intimacy truly participates in sanctifying grace.
- Reframe sex from merely pleasure or emotion to a regular sacramental act that builds holiness.

The teaching that marital sexual intimacy, when entered into in a state of grace, increases sanctifying grace — attributed to Church teaching and referenced to St. Thomas Aquinas.
Practical pastoral examples used to illustrate the point (anniversary renewals, marriage prep conversations).